It essentially comes down to the fact that I just don't exist in Internet form any longer.  It's not you, really, it's me.  First it was getting disgusted with Myspace (which I still have because I feel guilty with that being some people's only contact with me) and then I deleted myself from Facebook (face it, I'm not in college anymore).  But really I don't write in this blog any longer because I'm too busy out living life and am hardly at home any longer.

This will probably be one of my last updates, and only because it's significant. 

I'm engaged.

There, I said it...I'm engaged!!

It's been a strange emotional journey I've been on for the last 10 months since graduation, but it's made more sense with this woman in my life...and I'll never be the same because of it.  I have a stronger idea of who I am and what I'm meant for, and I'm not afraid to pursue that.  She sees the passions of her heart more completely with me (her words) and we give more definition to how God's created us. 

It's good.  It's very good.

So that's my story and she has become part of it.  Together we're trying to figure out what God's written for us.

I wish for June to get here incredibly fast, but I'll enjoy the ride all the same...

I haven't been at NIU for three and a half months now.  It's not that I haven't been there physically, I haven't even been present in the lives of anyone up there...why, you may ask?  It's been hard.  There is, to some extent, an amount of spacing that needs to take place after college for everyone to move and grow, but I've basically shut myself off from everyone completely.  Maybe there was a certain amount of discouragement involved.  Life doesn't move as fast anymore, things aren't as exciting or event-filled as they once seemed.  Not that life isn't exciting now, I mean, c'mon, I get to be around Abby .  But still, I guess with the advent of this new job it seems like I'm, officially, the older guy.  I'm no longer the 24-year-old college student, I'm the 25-year-old guy at the insurance company.  *grin*  Who'd have thunk it?  I'm growin' up...

Tired!

Last night I went up to Chicago with my friend Geoff and his finace Andrea to go see Coldplay at the United Center.  We got up there and met Abby, who happened to be up in that area recruiting for Weslyan, and went out to a nice Italian dinner (not Olive Garden ).  After that, Andrea dropped Geoff and I off at the United Center.  Not gonna lie, seats were three rows from the top and it was mostly stick figures, but it was still amazing.  I can't remember ever seeing such a spectacular light show and use of multimedia equipment.  Maybe I just don't get out that much, I dunno.

One more week of Olive Garden left...some nights I'm ready for it but others I think it'll be sad to leave that atmosphere.  Cest la vie =)

Update, update, update...c'mon creativity, let's kick it into gear!

Honestly I don't know why it is that I'm having such a problem writing in Xanga now.  Maybe it really IS the fact that I know a lot more people are reading this...and the fact that Pete Juvinall has this linked through his webpage, almost like I may occasionally have something in here worth reading?  Hmm....I think not =)

This past week has brought me some great news.  I was offered the position at Country Insurance for their customer service center.  I start April 10th (ie: very soon) and will have eight weeks of training for the job.  Yes, eight.  The first week'll be mass studying to pass an exam for my property and casualty license.  Yes, scarily enough they'll be giving me some type of license towards insurance.  This brought up some interesting points...

To be licensed for insurance you (apparently) have to be a person of character.  They do an extensive background check and you're not allowed to get the license if you've been arrested for a felony.  Later on, my friend was telling me, if a person ever wants to do anything with financial services then they'll do a credit check on you. 

Does anyone else find this mildly disturbing?  Not that I'm a person of ill-repute (depeding on who you ask ) but imagine a mistake made five years ago impacting a job that you're trying to get now.  It almost makes me sick to think of how I could've screwed up in the past and then limit my options now. 

Things with Abby are going great.  I don't wanna gush on and on, but I really enjoy her company and (hopefully) she enjoys mine.  Who am I kidding...I'm nuts about her =).  From the conversations we have to the dates we've been on, it's just been amazing.  She and I will be meeting each other's families this weekend and I'm definitely excited about it.  From everything she's told me about her folks and how much she loves them, I'm looking forward to getting to know them...and I have no doubts that my parents will love her.  How could they not? 

It's funny how many people I know have freaked out about meeting their significant other's parents.  I can't really put specifics up here, but one friend for the longest time thought his girlfriend's father was in the mafia.  He'd half joke about it but then say, "No really, I have no idea what her dad does because he won't say...I really think he's in the Romanian mob."  That same guy also got sat down by an ex-girlfriend's father with his girlfriend to go through Genesis and talk about sex.  Specific quote from the father, "Adam and Eve were naked in the garden and without shame...but we're not naked now, are we?"  If my friends do anything, it's that they make me feel normal and safe about my everyday life.

since when did this get titles?

I'm not gonna lie, sometimes it's hard writing what's truly on my heart when I know that I'm writing for an audience.  Yes, I realize this is the world wide web (does anyone even use that term anymore?) and that it's quite possible that friends/relatives/strangers will access this very blog through Googling my name (I don't know who would do such a thing...Jeff...Abby's mom...).  But, despite all this, at this moment, it's just me and my fingers gliding across the keyboard...no one sitting here in front of me, just my soul poured out in the form of text in english.

I've been extremely short-sighted over the last few months.  Instead of asking why I was in the place I was in I simply lamented it and longed to be at my next step.  Why couldn't things have worked out with the military?  Why hadn't I gotten a job with State Farm?  Why am I still living at home with my parents?  Yet I continually find myself led back to the verse that seems to best describe my life, Acts 17:26-28 (and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.  God did this so that men would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us. 'For in Him we live and move and have our being.').  I've definitely needed time to sort some things out, to sort out who I am and what I really want.  As I've journaled on before, that question is one that Jesus Himself asks us continually..."What do you want/seek/desire?" 

Another point to go with this, and seldom do I mention girls in here (at least not specifically).  Working at Olive Garden 2 weeks ago I ran into a girl that knew from Illinois Weslyan.  She was in the same student group that I was involved with at Illinois State so we bumped into each other a few times over the years.  I came to her table and talked for a bit then, asking if she'd wanna get coffee sometime, she gave me her number.  Fast forward a week to coffee turning into meeting at the winebar (again, see previous entries for excellency of the VIV) and we had a fabulous 2 hours of talking.  We went out again last Friday and had another great evening of conversation over Thai food and glow-in-the-dark, indoor putt-putt.  She's an amazing woman with a heart for God, beautiful, smart, funny, and down to earth.  It hasn't been very long, but I'm excited to see where this will lead to....it's been making me glow so far =).

But yeah, if I had been somewhere else then it's highly unlikely I would've run into her.  Also, I have a 2nd interview with Country Insurance this week.  It's for their call center that deals with policy questions, giving quotes, etc.  Given my background with State Farm I should do well here. 

Oh, can I add that God's been re-awakening my heart to hoping for great things again.  It's not foolish to hope to be used greatly, we are all part of the ongoing story played out through existence and each of our lives play an integral role....even mine =)